Which first lady was both utilitarian and decorative?

A: Doily Madison
Jambo is our winner.

I'm going to get crotchety if you don't leave some good answers.

UPDATE: I'm sitting here with knitted brow, staring at the empty comments list.

ANOTHER UPDATE: How mad am I that nobody has submitted a punchline? Not as mad as most people would be, but I am as mad as some.

Live-blogging the Civil War

No, the TPP blog isn't awaking from its long slumber. No new pun today. Sorry. I'd promise new puns soon if I thought I'd deliver.

But here's a New York Times feature: they're blogging the Civil War, 150 years later. Interesting idea, and a good read. SPOILER ALERT: It'll really heat up in the next months, with secession, blockade, Ft. Sumter, and the rest.

Who was the smartest president?

 

A: Lyndon Brains Johnson

Frank wins again.

A hint: think about middle names.

Which president was known for his utter incompetence?

A: Useless S. Grant

Ben is this week's winner.

Which president was in the field artillery?

A: James Bu-cannon
Our first anonymous winner.

Which president remodeled the White House bathroom?

A: John Tiler
F>Pat is a repeat winner.

Which president's birth surprised Mr. Roper?

A: Andrew, Jack's son

F>Pat is this week's winner. (For a very squishy definition of "week." I will do my best to get back on a weekly schedule.)

Which president spent a lot of time in his laundry room?

A: George Wash-a-ton

Guest punner: Joseph's son Thomas.

Mary wins the prize.

Which president vetoed nearly every bill?

A: Richard Nix 'em
Kristopher is correct.

Wednesday 9 June: I didn't think this one was so tricky. Do I have to give a hint?

Taking the week off

Terrible Presidential Puns took the week of Memorial Day off. We'll be back on Monday with another awful pun.

Which president accompanied the Martians to Earth in "War of the Worlds?"

A: Ronald Ray-gun


Tom is first with the correct punchline; Ben and Chris were there with punchlines I wish I'd thought of.


Hint: some of our readers are old enough to have voted for or against this president.

Which president was incapable of telling a lie?

Guest punner: Joseph's son Thomas.

A: Harry S. True-man

David (formerly of 3rd Musser) was first with the correct answer.

Which president could have written for this blog?

A: Groaner Cleveland

Jambo is correct.

Which president invented a popular cocktail?

A: Martini Van Buren

Mary's the winner this week.

Which president stopped at the gas station every day to top off his tank?

A: Millard Fillmore
Chris is getting faster!

Which president was often seen at barn dances?

A: James Polka

Well, that was quick! Chris came up with the correct answer less than an hour after the pun appeared.

Which president was a 17th century composer?

 

A: Baroque Obama

Mike edged out Jambo for the correct answer.

UPDATE: I can see I've stumped our millions of readers. Here's a hint: I'm not thinking of a specific composer.
UPDATE 2:  We're nothing if not responsive to our readers. Here's another hint: this president is still alive.